Monday, October 09, 2006

Anxiety...part 2

Back in August I started a post called "Anxiety" and after receiving a nice comment from Chameleon I decided that I should add to it.

I've never thought of it until today, but a chameleon is exactly what I am in respects to my anxiety and depression. I go about my days trying to blend in as normal...and hoping that no one knows the truth! I'm a fake....that's how I feel on most days. I'm constantly waiting for someone to shout it from the roof tops so I would be forced to face all the people that I've lied to!

Today I'm actually having a bad day. I can't focus and everything is driving me crazy. Over the years I've learned to read the symptoms, but by the time I notice them it's too late...I'm already a mess. Today make lack of focus is truly to blame on my tornado-like desk. I look from one unfinished project to the next, and my blood starts racing. I seriously feel like a sinking ship.
Each time I feel like I'm making progress a new project is thrown my way.

So why and I blogging when I should be working...because I'm inches from dropping it all and going home for the day. I'm on the fence between screaming and crying...and I'd like to avoid I'm taking a breather.

Days like this pyschically wear on me. I have to fight all day not to snap at people, and then on top of that attempt to focus on something to look busy.

Right now all I want to do is lay down on a bed...hell, the backseat of my car...and take a nap. Sleep away the frustration.

I just took a double dose of my anxiety medication, but we'll have to see if that'll do it.

Everything is getting to me!!! My feet are catching on the wires under my desk....papers are falling off my desk....or simply I can't find something! My mind races a million miles a second and I just want to through it all up in the hair and disappear.

Yet another bad day...

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