Tuesday, January 30, 2007


My email to Erica:

Okay a moment of venting is needed:

I could hear Christine in the back of the office by the copier. She yelled, "Are you printing a package?"

I replied that I was but she must not have heard me because she walked up to the front of the office and asked again. “Are you printing a package?”


“Which one?”



You're standing at the copier (which is also the printer!) why wouldn't you just look?? I don't get it?
"Gee is there a package printing.....[lifting up print-out]....Oh! It's the Schindler package!"

Now wasn't that easy?

Am I a bitch or what!?! This crap drives me nuts!

Erica’s Response:

Seriously, she must have been dropped on her head or something. I don’t know anyone else who would be so……well, you know what I’m saying!!! DUH

Monday, January 29, 2007

Noise Noise Noise

Okay, my family isn't all that traditional...I have three brothers. Dan and I are 18 months apart, but when I was four our parents divorced (Thank God!). When I was in 6th grade my mom got remarried. A few days after school let out that year, my biological father and his girlfriend had a baby girl, Marki. A year later my mom and step dad had Mitchell, and then three years later along came Mathew. So...there are 12 years between Marki and I....13 years between Mitch and I, and 16 years between Matt and I. Dan was actually out of the house before Matt was born.

So with that said, as the boys were growing up Dan and I had fun buying gifts for them. Buying toys for boys is WAY more fun than buying for girls! When Matt was 3 I started to date Jason, my husband. From day one Jason was Matt's brother..he said so the first time he met Jason. When it came to birthdays and Christmas Jason and I went out of our way to be destructive or loud toys. My parents countinually told us that payback would be a bitch.

When MacKenzy came along my brothers enlisted in helping my parents shop for such gifts. Up until this past weekend they haven't been successful in driving us nuts...but they have now won.

Over Christmas they were in Mexico and they found the perfect gift, and to top it off MacKenzy thinks its the coolest thing in the world. If you think back to the Karate Kid, Mr. Miagi shows Daniel-son a little hand-held drum that he'd sping between his palms. When the drum would go back and forth little strings with beads on the end would hit the drum. Oh it's that, but even worse! It's a tamporine too! Talk about loud and annoying!

This morning when Jason got home from work she instantly had to show him her new toy, she was so proud. I explained to him where it was from and the look he gave me was basically, 'Ahh Shit!"

A ing Miracle

From the words of my older brother, "A F-ing Miracle" happened in the month of January.

Not only did my mother take MacKenzy over night ONCE, but TWICE in a matter of two weeks! Unlike most grandmas my mother is too busy or better yet, too self-involved to spend time with her one and only grandchild. Last year we moved within 20 minutes of my parents' house, and we see them less than we did when we lived an hour away.

To make matters worse, each time we visit my mom and step dad, my mom pours on the guilt...lumpy gravy kind of thick! Usually for the first half-hour MacKenzy won't have a thing to do with my mom. She'll play with my two younger brothers or hide her face in the nape of my neck. Once she finally wins her over with something sweet the knife starts making the jabs into my sides, "Your Mommy never brings you to see me!!"

Right after the New Year I hesitantly approached my mom about MacKenzy visiting them for a night so Jason and I could attend my recognition dinner for the ambulance department. She of course had to check her schedule but for once the schedule was in my favor: My youngest brother had a hockey game in the town that we live in...no excuse could fly!! Though she said yes, I was apprehensive until I saw her car pull in my driveway. (She has a history of canceling at the last minute). The next morning Jason and I went to pick her up and the report was great. They had a wonderful time together and MacKenzy was on her best behavior.

While my luck was flowing I approched my mom about possibly taking MacKenzy this past weekend. We had a scheduling conflict where Jason would be on shift while I had to be in class all day. Getting a sitter to watch her all day wasn't fair to MacKenzy nor the sitter! If it was summer, that'd be a different story! I really was desperate though, Jason and I had to be some place with no way around it.

My mom actually agreed to help us out though it would require her to drag MacKenzy along to hockey games. On their way home from a hockey game on Saturday they picked her up, and on their way home from a game Sunday, they dropped her off. When they picked her up I was able to breathe that sigh of relief....can you tell that I don't trust her to show!!??

So the miracle as it be may never be repeated... but it was a nice one at that!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Anxiety Attacks In My Sleep

I seriously still have panic attacks in the middle of the night about school! I have two specific dreams that send my heart racing.

A list of random thoughts that play out into a story-

[The first is that I’ve shown up for the first day of school, in high school, and I’m un-prepared.] The bell will be going off any second. I have one pen and one notebook. I know I’ll lose the pen by third period. [I start to panic] Wonder if someone would lend me another pen? [As I’m walking in to the doors of the high school] I forgot my schedule at home! [I can see the tables lined up inside to get copies of your schedule and locker combinations.] I don’t even know where my locker is…what grade am I in anyway? The bell! I’m not even to the table. Late already, and it’s only the first day! No time to find my locker. Don’t have anything to put in it anyway. [As I walk into what seems to be a chemistry lab I can see that the teacher is irritated with my tardiness, and now all of the class is looking at me.] Is there anyone in here that I know?

Breakdown: This never happened to me, but I always feared it with the start of each quarter or new school year. Everyone was always late for classes on the first day of school, so it wasn’t anything to stress about! To top it off, I went to a very small high school where you knew everyone…so to walk into a room of people wondering if I know anyone, that wouldn’t have ever happened!

Second Dream’s Random Thoughts: (my heart is seriously pounding just thinking of this story…and still, there’s no reason for it!)

[I’m in college and as I walk across the bridge to my class anxiety fills my body as I think about going to this specific class.] This is the second time I’ve taken this class. I never go, no wonder I’m going to fail it again. What if there’s a test today and I have no idea what’s even going on in the class? What if the class moved? I could walk into an empty room, or even worse a room with a completely different class in it! How would I find out where my classed moved? I could call the professor, but what if the class moved weeks ago? He’ll know that I haven’t been there! I don’t know anyone in my class so I would have to call. Maybe I should just drop the class and try again next quarter. God, I need the credits though. This is all my own fault!

Breakdown: This too never happened to me, but I did in fact stress about it in college. I feared skipping a class because then I’d probably miss something important, like the class moving! I did have a friend that actually experienced her class moving after not having been there in awhile, so I’m sure that’s how the thought entered my mind.

Now I’ve been out of high school for 12-years this coming June, and out of college 8-years this August. Why in the hell am I still stressing about this stuff!?! I wouldn’t think anything of it if the dreams happened once in a very blue moon, but no, I’ve had them so often that I actually get anxious going to bed thinking that I might dream about it…therefore allowing me to dream about it!

Part of getting past my anxiety issues is facing those issues and getting past them. Am I supposed to get past the dreams, or past the things I’m dreaming about? What in the world do I do to get over things that NEVER happened? Or better yet, never happened 12-years ago!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Thirty-Two Months Going On 19-Years

This last month has been so incredible. Christmas was simply unbelievable. If I could have just sat in the corner all day watching you, I would have. Each present was the most amazing thing in the world, unless it was clothes, and you wanted to play with it immediately. You were far from selfish, always willing to help other people open their gifts too!

On Christmas Eve day you went to church with Nana and Bob. It took everything in my body to hold myself back and allow this, as it was (and still is) against every cell in my body. I had imagined I was free of having to fight this battle when your Nana moved to Orlando, little did I forget to remember that they come to MN to visit! In the spirit of the holiday I didn’t fight with Nana and swallowed the bowling ball-sized lump in my throat.

That night we went to the church where daddy and mommy were married. Though I still have questions of religious inadequacies church is apart of Christmas and apart of a tradition that I plan to keep. When we walked into the church I watched closely to witness your head spin off like a top; church twice in one day!

Santa came on Christmas morning and you were overwhelmed. Dora puked all over the living room! Your favorite thing Santa brought you was your Dora bicycle. I wish Santa would have waited until your birthday so you can actually ride it outside, but Daddy as made you a nice obstacle course in the basement that you seem to enjoy.

On New Year’s Daddy had to work and Mommy had plans. Part of me felt guilty that I was leaving you with a sitter, but in the end you had more fun than I could have imagined. I left with you Maiah and Cady, and their sitter, and you guys played non-stop all night. We got home well after midnight and both Cady and you were still up celebrating. We had told the sitters that you could stay up as long as you were well behaved.

The next morning the first words out of your mouth, “Cady’s House?” Every day since you’ve asked to go back to Cady’s house…so enough with the guilt!

In the last few weeks you have developed into the “Why” child. When I was little we used to call my cousin Ryan, “Whyan”…and you remind me of him everyday. “Where’d Daddy go?”

“Daddy’s at work.”


“Because he has to make money.”


“Because he needs to buy you Dora toys.”

“Dora! Wanna Watch Dora?” So easily distracted!

Yesterday you unintentionally broke your Daddy’s heart. After he had picked you up from daycare you pointed to the hill where the Fire Department is and said, “Daddy’s house!” He corrected you by saying that it was his work and that he lived with Mommy and Kenzy at Kenzy’s house. “No. Mommy and Kenzy live Kenzy’s house. Daddy live at work!” You Daddy immediately called to inform me that he works too much.

He doesn’t work too much. He works more than some Daddy’s, but it’s not like he’s away from you for long periods of time. As a fire fighter he’s forced to be away overnight a couple times a week. You’ve known nothing else so I never thought you’d really understand the difference. When he’s not at the fire department he is usually working for the landscaping department. In that position he picks you up from daycare at 3:30 and play together until I get home at 6pm.

Last week Daddy didn’t even go into his part-time job, instead he stayed home with you. The two of you played all day and took a 3 hour nap each day…

Last week sometime we got a notice from daycare that you bit another child. We thought we were past all of this but apparently your way to show aggression is to bite the child IN THE FACE, no less! I never imagined that you wouldn’t be an aggressive child…I’m apart of your make-up therefore it’s an impossible thing to avoid, but to bite the child in the face…that’s pretty harsh, kid! Daycare said that you were sitting on a stack of pillows looking at books when another child approached you to join in on your fun. There was a minor scuffle and then you ended it by putting the other child to tears.

As a parent I’m supposed to teach you to stand up for yourself, but at the same time I have to show you how to treat people around you. I’m failing on one of the two.

Friday, January 12, 2007

What's your stick of butter moment?

There's a commercial for the YMCA (not sure if it's a national or regional commercial) that makes my stomach curl each time I see it:

A woman is sitting on her couch watching television munching on a stick of butter. She completely devours the butter, and when she's done she actually licks the wrapper clean. Seconds later it pans back to her with one of those, "Why did I eat that?" looks.

We've all had them!

I distinctly remember a specific moment where I realized I was in the midst of a "butter" moment, and at the same time I could see a pattern. For two seasons I have watched the season finale of "Biggest Loser." Without premeditation, I have consumed very cheesy, very greasy pizza while watching the show.

I'm watching these amazing people conquer their horrible eating habits. I'm inspired by the trainers and by the sheer enjoyment of watching each person and their achievements... as the grease drips down my chin.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


Okay so I'm sure people don't want to hear about my kid and all of the amazing things she does on a regular basis...but see sometimes the things she pulls are so funny that I need to share them! I don't care you if you don't laugh as long as I am while writing about it!

Okay so right after Christmas we were in Target picking up some gear for my iPod. MacKenzy hates to shop with a passion...a lot like her mommy! To keep her from taking off or throwing a tantrum I usually have to keep moving and keep her interested. That particular day we were right by the card section of the store when she saw a Diego bithday card (Dora the Explorer's cousin...ugh). She grabbed it and said, "For me, please?" Laughing under my breath I told her that she had plenty of new toys at home and that Diego had to stay at the store. "No! Diego go Kenzy's house!"

Creative thinking had to work..."Do you have any money to buy Diego? Mommy doesn't have any money."

"I have money mama!" She stuck her hand down in her pocket and looked as if she was pulling out a handful of lint. I put my hand out as she placed absolutely nothing into my hand; pretend money! Holding back my laughter I told her that she didn't have enough, "Diego is a hundred dollars." Her face scrunched up while she contimplated how to get more "money."

Like any smart child she ran to her unknowing father and asked him for "hun-red monies Daddy?" And what's his response? "Ask your Mom."

She comes back and whines that her Daddy said no, and she stuffed the card back into it's slot and walked away with a fat bottom lip.

My husband then came to me and asked why she wanted a hundred 'monies' and I told him the story...in the end he chuckled, "the 'go ask your Mom' strategy really does work! Sweet!"

Monday, January 08, 2007

Almost Dooced

Now I rarely write about work people so the appropriate term wouldn't exactly be "Dooced," but with lack of a better term I'm going to run with it.

I was almost dooced right before Christmas because of my internet activity....yikes. I was being bad, and I knew it, but I couldn't focus!! It wasn't like I wasn't working, I was just taking a little breaks here and there. By law we're to get a half hour lunch and two fifteen minute breaks. If my boss isn't around for lunch I usually eat at my desk, and we don't take our fifteen minute breaks. It's not like I can't, but unless I'm super bored I really don't think of it! It's not like I put down my work and put my feet up, no... My boss and I have previously discussed this where she felt it was acceptable to take little brain breaks now and again throughout the day. That could be for surfing the web, emailing friends, or making personal calls. She trusts us to do our work.

Well one morning I had an email from Target and I seriously thought it was about a prescription. I clicked on it just as the company office manager (basically my boss' equal) walked up to my desk. I didn't have time to minimize so when she saw my screen and immediately asked if I was shopping online. "No. I had an email I thought was about my prescription, so I clicked on it and I got the Target website."

A few days later I was working away like a busy bee when one of the son's of the family run business stopped in front of my door and said, "I need to see you downstairs." At first I didn't even think twice. He has called me into meetings before, so I figured it had to do with that...Until I walked up to the conference room and saw the office manager, the owner of the company, and the son. My heart sank and in a split second I begged God to not let them fire me just before Christmas.

They basically told me that after my encounter with the office manager they had the IT Dept. run reports on everyone. Myself and six other people were called in to discuss our internet activities. I basically got a nice lecture but in the end I still had my job...PHEW!

The relief of it all actually put me to tears. I sat in that entire nerve-racking meeting perfectly fine, but as soon as I walked out the door the tears started to flow. I was embarrassed, ashamed and pissed at myself all at the same time. I had to run to the bathroom to hide my face for awhile. Once I was less red in the face, and I had fixed my eye make-up I returned to my office. Luckily there were only two other people in the office and they were both tied up at that moment. I, on the other hand was actually supposed to have left for Minneapolis 20 minutes prior...so I was able to escape without anyone seeing me!

Once I returned from my outside errands my face was back to normal and no one new the better. For the last few weeks every time I see the three people that reprimanded me I feel like a complete Moran and like their thinking, "We need to get rid of her..."

My immediate boss luckily loves me therefore I have one cheerleader in my corner.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year!

Whether or not you like country music you have more than likely heard of Carrie Underwood... yes, from American Idol. I haven't ever listened to her CD but every song she has released has been a good one. My favorite has to be "Before He Cheats."

Saturday night I brought in the New Year with Carrie Underwood! Mystic Lake Casino/Hotel in Prior Lake, MN had two shows on New Year's Eve. The first show was sold to the public, but the second was a VIP performance for high rollers. I'm far from a high roller, I can't even tell you the last time I gave them anything!...but knowing the right people got me in! In like Flynn that is!!!! 7th row seats! To make it even better, the 7th row was up two stairs from the previous 6 rows so I didn't have to stretch to see around the person in front of me.

Carrie Underwood is probably the best vocal performer I've seen in a really long time. Her voice was identical to her recorded voice...in otherwords she didn't suck like some people do! And no, she wasn't lip synching! That girl has a serious set of lungs! Beside her songs from her only album, she sang two Guns-N-Roses songs. Now I know it's hard to believe that a girl, much less a country girl, could sing "Sweet Child of Mine," but she serioulsy hit it like she owned it! I was amazed, really!

This was a big night out for me, I can't remember the last time we've "gone out" for New Year's. Normally we go to our friends' and we hang out while playing games. It was our same group of friends that went to the concert, but the venue was far more exciting!