Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Post Partum Depression

I don't really think I suffered from PPD after having my daughter, but then again I was dealing with normal depression so really who was to know!

Yesterday I spoke to my close friend Nikki for over an hour. Nikki was my college roommate and we've always been able to tell each other things that even our mothers don't want to hear.

When she called to tell me she was pregnant, after she told me the next words out of her mouth were, "I can call you and ask you whatever, right?"
"Without a doubt!"

She did ask quite a few questions and I was happy to give her my advice. I told her things people didn't tell me, and I told her the things I would have done differently. I laugh when I think of her calling in a panic, "Do you seriously bleed heavily for 3-6 weeks afterwards!?!"

"Nik, that is the least of your problems!! First off everyone is different! Heavy for me was a normal period, but that only lasted a few days....You are too far into this to start freaking out now!" I told her my horror stories....'Did I tear? Freddie Krueger made a visit!' I told her that her worst worries should be an emergency c-section....or getting the drugs fast enough!!!

Well when I talked to Nikki yesterday I could totally tell she was experiencing some post partum blues. In the years I've known her she's dealt with depression, so the post partum depression really didn't surprise me. Not that they're one in the same. She had so much to vent and needed someone that understood!

Many of things she vented were things I went through as well. I explained that her feelings were validated, but that she had to remember that both her and her husband were going through a HUGE transition. She needed to step back and even pull her husband aside and explain that she's feeling abnormally emotional and that she needed his help. I also said that explaining in detail what is irritating her will most likely not resolve things at this moment!

The case is, her husband has made hurtful comments without realizing it. I know him, he'd never purposely say anything to hurt anyone. But he has done the, "What have you done all day?" She feels overwhelmed with the day to day with a newborn, and he sees her as sitting around doing nothing...though he has yet to stay home alone with his daughter.
He's basically resorting back to pre-marriage life. He doesn't see the harm in going out with his friends a couple times a week. He doesn't see why she can't schedule her things around a babysitter, when he's just as viable.

I explained that what they're going through is unique to them, but not abnormal to their situation! I told her that she has to stop asking him to take their daughter, and SAY he's taking her. Don't give him time to back out and get his mom to watch her....just tell him you're going out to dinner with a friend and you'll be back "later." Without being disrespectful, give him a taste of his own medicine while forcing him to bond with his daughter!

In discussing this with Nikki it made me so thankful that we're past those days. MacKenzy is now our life and anything outside of the three of us comes second. We've both had the time to set aside our wants and needs to do whats best for the family. We still go out seperately, Jason hunts and I go out to dinner with friends. You still need to have ME time, but a lot less of it and in different ways!

One of the hardest things to overcome when becoming a new mom is the responsiblity. Still today I struggle with the difference between what I am supposed to do and know, to what Jason is responsible for. Before we had MacKenzy I might have to remind him to shave before we go...or to get on his case about leaving on time. Now I have to do that plus make sure MacKenzy is ready. THE hardest thing to work through is the fact that if I don't pick out MacKenzy's clothes and say, "Get her dressed," he won't. If I don't hand him the socks and shoes, the chances of him doing it anyway are slim to none. If I don't say "remember a diaper bag," he assumes that I've already taken care of it. What does he remember? If I'm lucky, her coat.

I'm not saying he's lazy or thinks it' my job...he's not like that at all. His struggle? Multi-tasking and thinking out of the box!

So who have I become? My mother? HELL NO, I refuse to go there! But I feel like a nag! He thinks it's okay to check his email while I'm racing around the house trying to get myself ready and make sure everything else is in order. Who is the first person to critisize me when I forget something sitting on the kitchen counter, "You have the worst memory!" the guy that just realized that he forgot his cell phone on the kitchen table!

1 comment:

roseviji said...

Hi Guys,
Dual diagnosis is both mental health disorders and substance abuse disorders. Anyone know about Dual diagnosis?
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Rose
Dual Diagnosis.
Dual Diagnosis