Thursday, November 02, 2006

My Thoughts on Change

Read the post following this, before reading this one

I am pretty sure if I was in the situation of a plane crash, I would see my daughter. The heart ache would definately send me to a sobbing mess.

*I want to watch my daughter grow up
*I want to kiss her cuts and bruises
*I want her to kiss mine too
*I want to watch her walk into kindergarten on the first day
*I want to watch her graduate from high school
*I want to watch her become her very own person
*I want to see her fall in love
*I want her see her experience the unconditional love between a parent and a child
**I want to be there for my daughter.

Next I would think about Jason raising her on his own. Dealing with the lose of his wife and trying to help his daughter through losing her mommy. I would see him struggling to do things the way I did it. Trying to do her hair and match her clothes. I would see him struggling and finally realize all that I did. (I don't mean this in a bad way either)

After that, my youngest brothers. Before I had a child of my own, they were my babies. I would imagine the looks on their faces when they heard the news. Mr. Macho Mathew would break down just as I would if it were him. Mitch would be just as crushed, but he'd be trying to comfort everyone else around him. My older brother would be crushed and would realize that we should have spent more time together as adults.

I would think of my sister that I've only just begun to get to knowher, but have yet to meet.

In my pleed to God...

I would say:

*I'm sorry for all of the grudges I've held for so many years.
*I'll stand up to my mother, but then tell her I forgive her and that I love her.
*I will hug my stepdad and say "Thank You." I will call him, "Dad."
*I will force my older brother and his wife to get together, rather than just saying we will.
*I'll go out of my way to visit my grandmothers.
*I will tell each one of my friends just how important they are to me.
*I will give my husband's grandmother a huge hug and thank her for being so supportive.
*I will forgive Jason's two cousins and aunt for what they've done to Jason and our family.
*I will continue to stand up for my husband, despite everything.
**I will thank God every waking second to just hold my daughter one more time.

And why not do this all now?

Like John said, I'm working on it.

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