Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Long Disturbing Road

This past week has truly been a test of both my sanity and heart. We've been dealing with some family turmoil that is basically calling my husband the worst of worst things. I can't go into detail, not only because it's truly a personal issue but to protect my family.

My husband's side of the family, though completely messed up, has always been much more reliable than my own. For years we've had Sunday dinner at his grandmother's most every week. When football season rolls around we rarely miss a Sunday. My husband's cousin, husband and their daughter (who is 3 months older than our daughter) are there too. Once and awhile his other cousins, aunts and their husbands will stop in but mainly it's just our group.

This past week brought the Grand Canyon between the family, and it will never be the same again. The cousin (and her family) that we ate with most every Sunday, her sister, mother and her husband have disowned the remaining members of the family. They have done so because the remainder of the family is supporting my husband. Overnight they have made him out to be a criminal, and the rest of the family refuses to believe the allegations.

I can't say which is worse... the things they are saying about my husband or the fact that they have disowned his grandmother during all of this. She's supporting her grandson and they can't come to terms with that. Being 80+ years old she doesn't watch what she says and she said a few things she shouldn't have....but in the end SHE IS STILL THEIR MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER! I don't get it.

Maybe it's just that I like to get beat up more than that??? My mom has said MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of unappropriate things, but still here I am putting up with it. She's my mother and regardless of how shitty she treats me, I know she means well. I know she is looking out for my best interest and just doesn't realize that she's actually hurting me. Maybe I'm the messed up one...I don't know.

My husband is in a lot of pain. During the first few days I was his rock, and then this week the roles shifted. I was stupid in thinking that I could e-mail his cousin and help matters...because it only blew up in my face. After doing so, I was a complete mess and didn't know which way to turn. He held my hand this time.

I believe my husband, I really do. I know he didn't do anything wrong because I know HIM. I do fear the worst because there really isn't a way to prove his innocence! I fear at what this could do to our marriage, and to my daughter. I've started questioning myself and I'm driving myself crazy. I'm not questioning his innocence, but questioning if I should take precaution from the worst.

No amount of medication can make me feel better right now.

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