Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Long Night

I had a really long night last night, and I'm just really down in the dumps right now- I need a barrel of monkeys to come rolling through here or something.

At 2am I got a text from my sister, Marki...I was up because I was on an ambulance call. Around 2:30am is when I noticed the text. It read: "I need to talk to you asap." I immediately text her back: "What do you need?" I waited and waited for a response, but nothing. I would have called her but didn't know how urgent the message really was and being that it was 2:30am I didn't want to wake anyone. I laid in bed for hours going through every possible scenario in my head. In the middle of the night, I could only assume it wasn't anything good.

This morning on my way into work Marki text me back: "My mom tried to kill herself last night." My heart sank and just thought of all the crap Marki has had to go through, and now this. I was, and still am, torn on my feelings towards her mom. I hate that she has put her children in this position, but I also feel sorry for her and wish there was something I could do to make things better. I can only assume based on stories Marki has told me recently why her mom would do this....and it’s really really sad.

After awhile I asked what had happened and the story made me feel even worse....Children need to be protected from their parent's stupidity! Her mom had gone to her old house (that's on the market for sale b/c she lives with her boyfriend) and sat in her running car in the closed garage. I don't know what led them to her (they don't live with her), but Marki and her little sister (15) Mandi found her. I don't know what state she was in when they found her, but good enough that she's still alive. She was transported to a larger hospital for a 72-hour hold and for CO2 poisoning.

Meanwhile, Marki being the oldest of her siblings has taken on her motherly role again to protect the younger kids. Last we spoke she was talking to her dad about what to tell them.

I'm numb. Marki and I are still building a relationship so it's not like I can do the sisterly thing and show up on her door step to give her the hugs she so dearly needs. I have the sisterly, if not motherly, instincts to want to protect her from all of this, but I'm in an odd position. I'm her sister....but in a step-sister kind of way. Related by accident and really don't know all that much about each other (though we're working on that).

In a twisted way I am also incredibly happy that I am important enough in her life that she felt it necessary to notify me right away...that says a lot and I'm proud of that.

So with that...I'm down in the dumps today. I’m not wanting to be here, but with Marki. Though you don't know her, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.


Love is… being able to confide in someone that everything isn’t okay, and trusting that they will listen.

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